eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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