Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
