I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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