you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
