our cab driver is having phone sex.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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