Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
