i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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