We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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