she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
