Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
