Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
