I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
All I want is dick and wine.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
