I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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