there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
