dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
