just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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