Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
