Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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