Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
