he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
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If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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