his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We are all done wearing pants today
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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