I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
