My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
3pm strippers are depressing
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
There's even glitter on my cock...
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