Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
