Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I know her cup size but not her name....
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