There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
