i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Drunk is a universal language darling
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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