I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
