she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
