somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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