Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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