What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
