The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
