I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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