I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
