Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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