I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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