none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
