Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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