You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
