Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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