If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
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