she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
