I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
