Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
