What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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