mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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