We won't sleep together?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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