i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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