You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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