so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
