We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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