Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(