TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
