Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
