How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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