I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
