I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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