maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
