You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
