He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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