i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
