FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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