Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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