Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
