I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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