Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Fuck appropriateness.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I need to sanitize my soul.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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