He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
