census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
