I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
