Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
