Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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