now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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