Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
well you can't waste a boner
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
