so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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