i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
