Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
