I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
