What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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