Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
