I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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