you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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