Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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