Are we in a gay sports bar?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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