He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize