I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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