Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
