there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
