Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
