so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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