so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
