my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
