You can't special order awesome
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
