I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
