is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
